If you’re scared of the dentist, I completely understand. Not in a vague, theoretical way – I mean I genuinely avoided going to the dentist for over ten years because of how frightened I was. I’m writing this as someone who has been exactly where you might be right now: knowing you need treatment, knowing you should go, and still not being able to make yourself do it.
This is my honest story of how that fear started, how long it lasted, and how I finally overcame it – and what happened to my relationship with dentists after that.
How my fear of the dentist started
I grew up in Cheltenham, and as a child I had a tooth extraction at my local dentist. It was a baby tooth, so it should have been a quick and straightforward procedure. It wasn’t.
Something went wrong during the extraction. What should have been over in minutes turned into 45 minutes of them trying to get the tooth out, requiring seven injections and what felt like endless yanking and pulling. As a primary school aged child I was terrified and in genuine pain throughout.
That experience stayed with me. I carried on going to the dentist as a child after that, but often with tears running down my face. I was that child in the waiting room dreading every second. The fear was completely real and completely overwhelming.
At a later point I needed another baby tooth removed. I was so scared after what had happened before that when it came to the appointment I simply clamped my mouth shut and refused to open it. I couldn’t do it. Fortunately that tooth wasn’t causing any pain – I think the adult tooth was coming through and pushing the baby one to the side rather than it falling out naturally – and eventually, after what felt like a very long time carrying it around, it fell out on its own. I remember the relief when it did.
Ten years of avoiding the dentist
By the time I was a teenager I stopped going altogether. From around the age of 16 I simply didn’t go back to that dentist and didn’t register with another one. It wasn’t a conscious decision so much as avoidance – the path of least resistance was to just not go, and so I didn’t.
This continued into adulthood. I knew it was bad for my health. I knew the importance of looking after your oral hygiene – it affects so much more than just your teeth. But knowing something and being able to act on it when you have a genuine phobia are two very different things.
If you’re someone who is scared of the dentist but needs treatment and keeps putting it off, you are not alone and you are not being ridiculous. Dentophobia – the clinical term for fear of dentists – is one of the most common phobias in the world. The avoidance feels completely logical from the inside, even when you know rationally that it isn’t helping you.
What finally made me go back
The thing that pushed me to finally face my fear was becoming pregnant with my first child.
A few things came together at once.
I’d noticed staining on the back of my teeth from ten years of smoking – I’d recently quit, and for the first time had properly looked at the back of my teeth and was genuinely horrified. I was convinced I’d rotted them completely. I knew I had to face my fear to find out. I didn’t want no teeth!
The second thing that pushed me to finally face my fear was becoming pregnant with my first child.
Being pregnant changed my thinking in two ways. First, I was entitled to free NHS dental care during pregnancy, which removed one practical barrier.
Second, and more importantly, I’d been thinking about childbirth and everything that comes with it. I decided that if I was going to go through that amount of pain, I could absolutely handle a dentist appointment and whatever came with it!
I’d faced bigger things. I wasn’t scared of pain generally as an adult – I’d never had any issue with vaccinations or needles anywhere else on my body for example. It was only in my mouth that the fear existed, which showed me it was entirely rooted in that one childhood experience rather than any general fear of pain or medical procedures. I was going to go and just not be scared about it.
So I found a dentist in Gloucester, booked an appointment, and went.
Facing the fear – and what happened
Something shifted when I made the decision to go. Once I’d committed to it and decided I wasn’t going to let the fear win, the anxiety actually reduced significantly. I felt like I’d taken back control.
The appointment was completely fine. My teeth hadn’t rotted at all – it was just staining from smoking, which the dentist was able to remove there and then.
Although I’d chosen not to go to the dentist for ten years as an older teen through to my mid-twenties, I still always had at the back of my mind that nagging worry that something was wrong with my teeth and I’d never know.
Ten years of worry, resolved in one appointment. The relief was enormous.
More than that though, the fear itself seemed to dissolve. I’d built up the dentist in my mind for over a decade into something terrifying, and the reality was just… a normal appointment. The anticipation had been far worse than the experience.
What happened next – braces, cosmetic dentistry and finding the right dentist
Once I’d broken through the fear, everything changed. A few years later I decided to have adult train track braces fitted – something I would never have even contemplated in my early twenties when I was terrified of the dentist. I wore them for 28 months and then had whitening, bridges, bonding and more to give me the smile I’d always wanted.
I even had to have some baby teeth removed as part of the process – I have a condition where some of my adult teeth never came through, so those baby teeth had to go. No end of injections in my mouth, procedures I’d once have been utterly terrified of, and I just breezed through them. I had completely overcome my fear.
In a way, going through that whole braces and cosmetic dentistry experience felt like the ultimate proof of it. For ten years I hadn’t even wanted to open my mouth at the dentist – it was such a phobia – and now here I was having all sorts done and just getting on with it. I’d completely changed my mindset. I told myself I could do it, that it definitely wasn’t going to be anywhere near as bad as childbirth, and that I was going to get the smile I’d always wanted. And I did..
Through that process I moved from my NHS dentist in Gloucester to a private cosmetic dentist who did all the final bridgework. After investing so much in my teeth, I wanted to stay with the best care I could get.
Then we moved to Newquay in Cornwall, and finding a dentist became a whole new challenge. NHS waiting lists were around three years for our whole family. As someone who’d had extensive cosmetic work done and wanted to protect that investment, going private was the obvious choice for me – but even that wasn’t straightforward.
Some practices didn’t reply to enquiries, one told us they were full despite being private (I hadn’t expected to be turned away when I was willing to pay). We eventually found a practice – the most expensive in Newquay – and we’re all on a monthly payment plan that covers our annual dentist and hygienist appointments each year. The service is excellent and we’ve stayed.
That journey – from a terrified child, to someone who avoided the dentist for a decade, to someone who has had extensive cosmetic dentistry and now goes regularly for maintenance – feels remarkable to me sometimes. I even forget nowadays how scared I was as a child after that experience, right through to my early adult years. It’s like a different person.
Why are people scared of the dentist?
The most common causes of dental fear are:
A bad past experience. This is what caused mine. A painful or traumatic dental appointment, especially in childhood when you have less understanding and less control, can create a lasting fear response that’s genuinely hard to shift.
Fear of pain. Even people who haven’t had a bad experience can be anxious about the prospect of dental pain. Modern dentistry is significantly less painful than it used to be, but the fear can persist regardless.
Feeling out of control. Lying back in a dental chair with someone working in your mouth is an inherently vulnerable position. For some people, that loss of control is the core of the anxiety.
Embarrassment about the state of their teeth. This is one of the most common reasons people are scared to go to the dentist but need treatment – they’ve avoided going for so long that they’re now embarrassed or ashamed of what the dentist might find. This shame then becomes another barrier on top of the original fear. If this is you, please know that dentists see this all the time. They are not there to judge you.
The sounds, smells and sensations. The drill, the suction, the smell of the clinic – these sensory experiences can trigger anxiety responses, particularly if they’re associated with a past bad experience.
Practical tips for overcoming dental fear
I’m not going to give you a list of ten relaxation techniques and call it advice. What actually worked for me was making a firm decision and facing it, and I think that’s underestimated as a strategy. But there are practical things that can help:
Find the right dentist. This matters more than anything else. A dentist who understands dental anxiety, explains what they’re doing, and doesn’t rush you makes an enormous difference. Ask friends and family for recommendations, read reviews, and if a practice doesn’t feel right, find another one. You deserve to feel safe.
Tell them you’re nervous. Before anything else, tell the dentist or receptionist that you’re anxious. Good dental practices are used to this and will adapt their approach. Many have specific protocols for nervous patients.
Start small. If the idea of having treatment is too much, book a consultation first – just to talk, look around, meet the staff. You don’t have to commit to anything. Build familiarity gradually.
Ask questions. Knowing what’s about to happen reduces the feeling of helplessness significantly. Ask the dentist to explain each step before they do it. Most will be happy to.
Agree a signal. Agree with your dentist on a hand signal that means stop – raise your hand, for example. Knowing you can stop at any moment gives you back some control.
Consider sedation. If your anxiety is severe, sedation dentistry is a real option. Options range from nitrous oxide (laughing gas) which keeps you conscious but relaxed, to oral sedation, to IV sedation for the most anxious patients. Talk to your dentist about what’s available and appropriate.
Bring something to listen to. Headphones and a podcast or playlist can help create a mental distance from what’s happening in the chair. It won’t work for everyone but it’s worth trying.
Go with someone. Having a trusted person in the waiting room – or in some cases in the room with you – can make a significant difference.
Remember why you’re going. If you’ve been avoiding the dentist for years, your oral health is suffering and that has knock-on effects for your overall health and wellbeing. Keeping that in mind – rather than focusing on the appointment itself – can help shift the perspective.
What if you’re scared to go to the dentist because of bad teeth?
This deserves its own mention because it’s so common. If you’ve avoided the dentist for years and are now scared to go because of what they might find, I want to reassure you from experience: dentists have seen it all. The shame you feel about the state of your teeth is not something they share. They are clinicians who want to help you, not judge you.
When I went back after ten years, I was convinced I’d rotted my teeth completely. I hadn’t – it was staining. But even if I had, the dentist’s job is to address that, not make me feel worse about it. Whatever state your teeth are in, the right response is to get them seen to, not to avoid finding out.
The longer you leave it, the more likely minor issues become bigger ones. Going now – however scary – is always better than going later.
From terrified to confident – it is possible
I was absolutely terrified of the dentist from around primary school age through to my mid-twenties. I avoided going for over a decade. Now I go regularly, I’ve had extensive cosmetic work done, I’ve turned down numbing injections for minor procedures because the discomfort doesn’t bother me anymore, and I pay for private dental care to protect the investment I’ve made in my teeth.
If someone had told me at 20 that this would be my relationship with the dentist by my thirties and forties, I wouldn’t have believed them.
But it happened because at some point I made a decision: I was going to face it and not let the fear make decisions for me anymore. That shift in mindset – from fear running the show to me running the show – was everything.
If you’re scared of the dentist right now, that shift is available to you too.
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