How to get the spark back in your relationship

Whether you’ve been together for a long time and feel more like companions than lovers, or perhaps the honeymoon period is over and you’re beginning to settle down, the spark can sometimes feel like it’s gone in a relationship and you might be looking for ways to reignite it!

Being in a happy, healthy relationship is so important, but just because the spark has gone, it doesn’t always mean it’s time to move on.  A long-term relationship is more than just the butterflies and excitement you feel at the beginning.  Falling in love is an amazing feeling, but that feeling is never sustained throughout a long relationship and marriage, so changing your expectations and your mindset about how being in love should feel, especially long term, might help.

That said, it doesn’t mean your relationship needs to get dull.  In fact, far from it.  If your relationship needs a little TLC then here are some tips to reignite that spark and get excited about each other again!

How to get out of a relationship rut

How to get the spark back in your relationship

Go on dates

It’s funny how many of us go on so many dates and adventures with our partners in the beginning, but then this seems to fizzle out as we settle down with each other.  Having fun together should definitely be a priority.  It’s making memories, experiencing new things with one another and spending quality time.

If you have kids then this is even more important as family life can certainly get in the way and turn you into ‘mum and dad’, stopping you feeling like lovers!  Even if it’s just once a month, make a date night a priority and try to do it weekly if possible.

Surprise each other

Keep the magic alive by surprising each other whether it’s with a gift, flowers, date night or even their favourite snack.

Everyone loves a good surprise and to be cheered up with something happy.  Don’t stop doing nice things for each other just because you’re so used to each other now!

Don’t lose the intimacy

It’s not all about sex, but stay connected physically and lovingly whether that’s a kiss or hug every day and holding hands to stay feeling close to each other and intimate.  If intimacy has gone stale then speak truthfully about how you feel to one another and try to get the magic alive.  Some people like to talk to a sex therapist to discuss their feelings honestly and openly.  You could even try some intimacy tools or give each other a candlelit massage to reconnect intimately again.

Remember to be nice to each other

There’s no doubt you were both on your best behaviour when you first met to make a good impression, but as time goes on we relax with our partners.  We forget to say thank you or sorry or even ask how their day was.  It’s so important to remember to speak nicely to one another, be thankful and know when to apologise.

Connect every day

Lives can be busy, especially when you throw in full time work and raising kids – there’s barely any time left for a relationship at the end of the day!  It’s so important to remember to connect with one another every day and make time to speak to each other!  Whether this is first thing in the morning, after work or before bed, make sure you give each other your full attention and catch up with each other’s thoughts and lives.  Turn off the TV, turn off the phones and connect in person.

Don’t strive for perfection

As I mentioned in the opening, it’s highly rare to feel that excitement of falling in love for an entire relationship.  That initial buzz dies down and the relationship moves into its next stage.  Don’t worry that things are wrong because you don’t feel that falling in love feeling anymore.  Relationships also have their ups and downs just like life, so don’t expect any relationship to be perfect all the time.  Once you adjust your expectations then you can relax and enjoy your relationship without expecting it to be perfect 100% of the time.

Laugh together

Don’t forget to have fun and laugh together!  Things can start to feel serious in a long-term relationship all the time and we forget to laugh together and even smile!  Going out on dates and having some light-hearted fun can stop us from taking ourselves so seriously all the time.  Laughing is the best medicine for a lot of things – even for putting the spark back into a relationship!  You should definitely be happy, smiling and laughing together as much as possible for a positive relationship.

If the spark in your relationship is well and truly gone then it’s best to move on to allow you and your partner to find happiness elsewhere.  But if you’re simply just stuck in a relationship rut, but are destined for each other, then hopefully these tips will remind you how simple it can be to get the spark back in your relationship.

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